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February 24, 2010


Being a witness and victim to both genders of domestic violence, i have found that abusive women are usually overlooked.They are for the most part,underestimated as far as their manipulation skills are concerned.

Having been arrested for domestic violence about three years ago, which still has yet to go to trial, I'm not sure if training officers to do an on-scene investigation will actually do any good in most of the cases. Some, yes...most, probably not. Borderlines are so capable of manipulating facts and being so believable because...they actually believe their version of the incident as seen through their emotional filter. My wife has recently physically attacked me, yet I'm supposedly the abusive one when I restrain her to keep her from hurting me? I think the real need is to have mediators/counselors that work with the courts who are more versed and trained specifically to understand such factors as BPD and other disorders where the "facts" are quite often highly distorted from reality.

I completely agree with you, Jason. We have drug and alcohol courts. And we have divorce courts.

Why can't we have Borderline courts? I believe we don't have them because the disorder isn't being addressed, either in the court system or even in the domestic violence system.

If nothing else, specialists in the Borderline disorder should be on staff at every court, to advise all the legal personnel what's really going on behind the scenes in many domestic violence and divorce cases.

Lynn Melville
Author, Boomerang Love

I believe you're right, Connor. It's so easy for the woman to play the domestic violence card. However, current CDC statistics say that 30 percent of domestic violence inidents are male-related. So attitudes are changing a bit in that area.

One small footnote, though. I recently read a report from one state that dug into the 30 percent male domestic violence rate. They discovered that men who had killed themselves (just before being arrested, while holding their partner hostage, etc.) were counted in the domestic violence incident rate.

So that kind of throws the 30 percent female to male domestic violence rate off a bit.

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