WHY SOCIETY THINKS Domestic Violence Toward Men Doesn't Exist

I was interviewed on April 25, 2007, by Chuck Baker of AM radio station KKKK in Colorado Springs.  We were discussing the recent murder of Rebecca Griego by an ex-boyfriend, who had long distance stalked her all the way to the University of Washington in Seattle. 

I was explaining the Borderline Personality Disorder person's intense fear of the loss of their loved one, leading to frantic efforts to avoid real -- or imagined -- abandonment.

Chuck is very interested in domestic violence -- especially DV against men.  I said that my daughter's college textbooks stated that only 2 percent of men were abused, while my current research is showing that it's really as high as 30 to 40 percent.

This brought Chuck to the point of anger that DV against men is not being addressed in this country.  What came out of my mouth at that point was a surprise to me, but yet is the absolute truth.

Why don't we know about DV against men -- and why aren't we helping them?  Because we haven't known it exists -- since men don't talk about it !!

I surprised myself with the simplicity of this truth.  Everything I've read says that men don't talk about the abuse they're receiving, because of their shame.  I personally know one man who confessed to me that his wife of 20 years will suddenly come at him with knives.  He grabs pillows off the couch to defend and protect himself.

How about it, guys?  Get an anonymous yahoo email address and begin posting here, so the world will know what's really happening out there.

Comments

[Andrew]

It's not just that men don't talk about it. Men are laughed at and ridiculed when they admit to being abused and it's only recently that resources for male victims of DV have started being offered.

For the longest time domestic violence groups in fact said if a male is a victim it's because he's abusing his wife as it's impossible for a woman to initiate DV.

It's also cultural. Violence against men whether it's women or men doing it to men is entertainment. When it's men doing it to men it's action and when it's women doing it to men it's comedy.

[Lynn Melville, author, Boomerang Love]

I agree with you, Andrew. I was speaking with a mental health professional just this last month and heard him say (incorrectly) that "Only 1 percent of domestic violence is women against men." He had books and authors to quote, from the classes he took in college.

I was stunned that even tho the CDC statistics are out there, stating that 30 percent of domestic violence incidents in this country are women against men, the old perceptions still persist.

We're in the pioneer stage of bringing the issue of female to male violence to light with the public and more importantly, getting help for abused men.

I was speaking yesterday with the woman who coordinates the National Domestic Abuse Hotline for Men and Women (1-888-743-5754).

She said that even tho their publicity is minimal, over 6,000 men call her counseling hotline every year, finding it on the Internet. She said they would be totally overwhelmed by phone calls if the agency got the publicity it needs.